just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
