you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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