I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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