A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
