hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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