sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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