new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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