Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
