Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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