Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
