we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
