Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
