Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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