The maid of honor just puked.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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