So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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