he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen