this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
