Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
