Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
