he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
