She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
