It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
