the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
