Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
