this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
