So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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