I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
