He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
