finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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