I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
