its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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