Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
