It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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