wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
