Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
