I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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