Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
