you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
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I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
did i walk over a car last night?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
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It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You were trust falling into bushes