It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.