i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
