there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize