we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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