remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is it penis luge time yet?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
