Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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