Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
