the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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