I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
