I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
