google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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