My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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