We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize