I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Naked. naked and bneed help.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
