let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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