Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
