They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
