whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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