I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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