my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
