I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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