i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
