Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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