I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
