Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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