Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
