I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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