Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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