a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's great music for shaving your balls
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
