Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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