Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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